Wanted: My Body Back

For some women, being pregnant is all about glowing, looking fabulous, and feeling fantastic. I can honestly say that I am not one of those. While I can say that I like feeling the baby move and knowing that the baby is healthy, I don't necessarily enjoy everything that pregnancy has offered me. I am thankful for the fact that I did not have horrible morning sickness, but I also don't feel like this is the best I have ever felt physically either.

For example, my face is round again. I feel like I am a freshman in college all over again. I gained the freshman fifteen in my face, and that face is back. I also got the crazy thought in my head that if I trimmed my hair to my shoulders it would make my life easier....WRONG! I now have a football helmut for hair. My hair is neither straight nor wavy-I have a lions mane. Roar!

My butt has grown to an astronomical size (no pun intended). It is shocking to me where my body has put on cellulite. I have not just put on girth, but actually put on cellulite in places I have never seen before. I work in OR's all day long, and I have seen a lot of naked people-but I have never seen fat on people where I now have fat! What is the deal?

Kankles, oh to see my ankles again. My poor toes have turned into sausages, and my wedding rings no longer fit! Boo-hoo! Poor me!

I keep telling my husband that this baby better be a good one or I am going to be pissed. I think that the first thing that I will think when the baby is born is how fantastic our baby is and how much in love I am with him/her. Then I will be so very thankful that I am no longer pregnant! Now that is a thought that makes me happy.

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

Every week when my email reminder from the BabyCenter sends me an update as to what you are up to, I normally go to Youtube and look up what an Ultrasound picture looks like of someone your "age." Well this week instead of seeing 32 week ultrasound results, it pulled up results for 32 week old BABIES. Not inside my body 32 week old babies, 32 week old inside their mothers arms-babies. I sat there speechless as I marveled over the fact that what is going on inside of me really is a miracle. You are amazing, and I hope that I have given you a happy home these last few months.

I found myself amazed and then whelmed by the great responsibility that is about to placed in our hands. Hospitals and doctors are great about giving me lessons on how to take care of myself during this pregnancy as well as during labor-but then what? They will send you home with us, and then we are supposed to figure it out!?! Your Aunt Nana then reminded me that I actually have been learning how to be a parent the last 29 years of my life from my parents and those that I look up to around me.

Let me introduce you to the people that I love the most in this world that have taught me so much, and will no doubt teach you a few things in your lifetime.

I don't know where to start with your Dad! We just celebrated 6 years of marriage together, and I can honestly say that each year gets better and better. When we first started dating we went to a new church together and the message was on "gifts." God will bring gifts into your life, and many times they are not even ones that you ask for. Your dad was one of those gifts. His honesty, humor, and smile were what melted my heart. When our paths crossed I had the feeling of-"Oh there you are! I have been waiting for you!" Your father is the most loyal person that has ever come into my life. He will no doubt make you laugh, and I hope that you receive his gift of honesty. What I look forward to the most in raising you, is doing this together with your dad. So many kids are raised in homes where they do not see their parents actually love each other, and I will do my best to show you what that is all about. I love your dad with everything that is inside of me, and I want you to know what that is all about-so one day when you then go on to get married-you will have a strong foundation to build upon. My prayer is that we can model for you what love and respect between a husband and a wife is all about. We may not be perfect at it all the time, but we will do our best.

Your Papa T and GaGa B are my mom and dad, and you will find that they will love you unconditionally. Your GaGa will teach you how to laugh and how to be silly, and most of all I hope that you inherit her amazing ability to be the best listener. As much as your GaGa talks, she actually listens so much more. It is a gift that I unfortunately have to work very hard at. It just comes naturally to her. Your Papa T is a gardener and not just the kind that grows stuff in the dirt. While you will spend many hours helping him in his amazing "healing garden" planting things, he will plant little seeds in you too. What I mean is that he will plant those little life lessons that he has learned over time into you, and he will quietly remind you of those things as you grow up. He will watch, encourage, and help you grow into the beautiful person you will become.

Grandpa and Tutu are your Dad's mom and dad. At our wedding your Dad described your Tutu as the voice of fun growing up, and your Grandpa as the voice of reason-which I have found to be so true! Your Tutu is a free spirit, and she will teach you how to be creative and how to live outside of the box in a good way. You will find that I am too structured for my own good, and your Tutu is always gently reminding me to pay attention to that little voice in the back of my brain telling me to have fun and relax. I hope that you will learn how to find the balance of being responsible but with the ability to cut loose as your Tutu does. Your Grandpa is one of the most service oriented people I have ever come across. So many of your dad's memories that include your Grandpa are those of the two of them doing projects together. No, your Grandpa was not about free child labor, but rather-he wanted to teach your dad the value of a good work ethic and how to do things the right way. He serves/loves others by doing things for them or with them. He built your nursery with your Dad, which is why I will NEVER let you change that room. He was showing you how much he loves you even from the time you were only 15 weeks old inside of me. Oh the things you will learn from your Grandpa!

I am leaving out your Aunt Nana, Uncle J, Aunt Sassy, Uncle Cap, and of course-my A team. I will introduce you to them in the weeks to come. I want to make sure that I am able to accurately portray them for who they are.

I can't wait to meet you. I am terrified at the same time. I don't take this responsibility lightly, but we have the right people in our lives to make sure we do it the right way. Even as I am typing you are kicking me letting me know that are growing and getting ready to make your appearance soon.

I love you,

Mom

(That felt weird to type that last word...MOM!)